Thoughts on a Teenager

At precisely this moment (9:57am), thirteen years ago, I received one of the greatest joys of my life in one of the most traumatic moments of my life. You are the second teenager that I can call my own. I do so with amazing pride and felicity. You are the first teenager that I will be able to raise. I do so with amazing fear and trembling.

Today you cross that threshold into a teenager. Today you cross into that territory of being a hormone crazed, food consuming, eye-rolling, smart mouthed mammal. You’re already developing in ways that makes me want to pretend that you don’t exist. But you’re turning into a young man right in front of my eyes and I’m extremely proud.

My son, I’d like to share a couple of things with you as you reach into these years that will shape so much more of you than I would prefer but through which I am resigned to participate if only to ensure that you don’t kill yourself in the process.

This is a very different change in life than anything we’ve been through before. This time, at least, you have two parents (finally) that love you, care about you, and are working together to ensure your success and safety—yes, I do mean safety—in all things. I, at least, think you are in great hands. But you have to trust that it’s all in your best interests.

It doesn’t get any easier. No matter what anyone tells you or what weird sound-bite is popular at the moment, life just doesn’t get any easier. If anything, it becomes much more of a challenge. Admittedly, this isn’t easier or harder. It’s just a matter of how you rise to that challenge. Part of our job as parents is to help you reach deep inside and find that thing that makes you who you are and who you will be as you continue to mature, to recognize your own individuality.

And that’s going to drive me nuts. I’ll admit it only once here: I’m scared. I’m not ready to see you grow up yet.

Girls suck. Alright. Yes. Boys are a big shit stain of suck too. And I don’t mean in relationships (though it’s true there too) but in all friendships. You’re at an age that things get confusing. Feelings run amuck and it’s inevitable that you’re going to get hurt. But I hope you get hurt a lot. I hope that you never stop being this individual who puts themselves out there, open and willing to take chances with people. The rewards, I’ve found, are worth so much more than the risks.

And, for the record, I don’t care where you draw those lines. Personally, I hope you don’t draw any lines there. But that’s up to you and I’ll support your exploration into finding out who you are on every level.

Homework sucks. Yes. Lots of suck at this age. Trust me. You’re going to want to fight this even more now. But we’re not going to fight over it. Admittedly, I’m going to change my focus for the next several years, but you’re not going to drop out of school, make bad grades, or otherwise give me anymore grey hair over this whole education thing.

Your education is important to me, but it’s not enough to just fill your head with facts. I have plenty of those already. I want you to learn something about life every day. Even if what you learn is that I’m wrong about girls (or boys) and other things.

Life is play. No matter what anyone tells you about the value of work, please never forget the value of play. This isn’t to suggest that there is no work in life. You’ve already been told that you’ll be held accountable for your chores now. But all of the universe is an interplay of the elements it contains. This includes you. Everything is a dance between you and that which surrounds you. Make the most of it. Revel in it.

And, no, this does not mean that because you are dancing with the universe that you get out of dance class this summer. You still have to go. You still have to learn. Get over it.

Find your passion. Joseph Campbell would have said for you to find your bliss. But bliss is a state of mind and you’re a teenager. Bliss isn’t part of the package yet. Find your passion every day. Don’t feel the need to be strapped down to a single passion. No, I know there is a Passion inside that defines you. But that’s a different subject for an another time. What I’m saying is get off the damn computer and find something every day that enhances the world around you, your joy in it, and continues to build your experiences in liberty, life, light, and love.

You are very much an apple just off the apple tree, kiddo. I realize that you enjoy your electronic world. But if there is something that you’ve taught me over the last three years, it is that life exists outside of the cyberworld to which we are drawn so naturally. Don’t forget that like I did.

Be kind to animals. Yeah. I know. This sounds like one of those weird, late night infomercials. But I’ve figured out in life that how you treat your animals is how you’ll treat your friends, partners, lovers, parents, and other small mammals of your persuasion. I realize that saying this to you is near meaningless. You have this “thing” for animals that almost puts you on par with Dr. Dolittle. I’ve never seen anyone with the gift of working with animals like you do.

Did I already mention that girls suck? Yeah. Be kind to them too.

Family is everything. I realize that we’ve had a tough time in figuring this out. I realize that it’s taken us until about now to get a family that is everything. But don’t take it for granted. Building a family that means something is a lot harder than just assuming that blood relations defaults into a family. You have more family now than ever before. And now you have family that means something because it is everything.

I would have liked to have built you a family that was so big the BBQs on Sundays would have needed to take place in a park because the backyard is too small. But, alas, I didn’t do that. Not yet. We still have time and this family is still growing. But always remember that anyone that isn’t willing to cry about you, cry for you, or cry with you, isn’t worth your time. Family is about heart over mind. Family is about teamwork rather than exploitation.

Life isn’t a set of bullet points. No matter how much I may enjoy lists, fuck’em. Life isn’t a set of bullet points that you can hand out like candy—or advice. There is no cheat sheet. There is no magic piece of paper with all the answers. You have to live it day by day, moment by moment. You are at the beginning of an amazing adventure and I am thrilled to be a part of that every day.

It’s hard to believe that thirteen years ago, a nurse handed you to me as we were rushed out of the operating room. I spent ten long days at the hospital with you, waiting for you to be released to me so I could take you home. I’ve spent thirteen long years in life with you, waiting for you to reach this age of a young man so I could see if I’d done any good in raising you as a child. But I remember that day as if it were … well … today.

In the end, child, there is really only one thing I want you to remember.

You are loved. You are so very loved. One thing that has amazed me—and I’ve commented on it extensively as well over the years—is your ability to transform lives just by being in the room. I have yet to meet anyone that hasn’t been around you and just finds you to be amazing. Admittedly, I expect that some of that will change as a teenager, but I sincerely hope not. You are an amazing child with so much potential.

Son, I love you. This is a great day. It’s an awesome day. I hope that it’s one of the best for you. Honest.

Even if there are some days that I just want to put you in a barrel with a hole in the side and feed you through that until you’re eighteen.